Hummer Drivers Protest Israel-Caused Oil Spill in Lebanon
In a recent spat of protests of white males who drive Hummers (WMWDH), tempers flared and anger rose to the point that the mainstream media had to search for “arab looking Canadians” in the bystander crowd to photograph and subtly connect to rioting and violence. The Hummer owners marched down the streets of several Alberta and Texas communities chanting “Hummers are Hungry! Israel must be stopped!” in an apparent reactionary stance to the recent IDF bombing of a power station in Lebanon which has led to 35,000 tons of oil being spilt into the mediterranean (pictured above). The environmental catastrophe is said to be the worst that Lebanon has seen, and the UN, in a position typical of the organization, released a statement saying that it was “very bad,” and that “someone should do something.”
WMWDH – a for-profit advocacy group that is based jointly out of Alberta, Canada and Texas – has issued statements calling for Israel to put a stop to their catastrophic invasion of Lebanon because “we need that oil, damnit.” WMWDH spokesman Hank Tank said that Hummer drivers the world over will suffer from predicted petroleum shortages and that their “culture was at risk.”
The WMWDH organization is usually very pro-Israel, and even helps organize Hummer owner trips to the combatitive country where tours feature viewings of IDF Hummers and even test drives of the ground assault vehicle most popular among IDF Hummer drivers, the Up-Armored M-1113 ECV (pictured at right) a deadly Hummer outfitted by Rafael Armament Development Authority Ltd, used to shoot at Palestinian children with rocks and drive over bodies easily. Many members of the Israeli government are themselves Hummer owners, and so it is surprising to many to see such anamosity expressed by this normally gregerious and “fun-loving” bunch, the WMWDH.
In response to the WMWDH demonstrations, where many Hummer owners walked for the first time since owning their vehicles, another group made their presence known: Chihuahuas Against Hummers (pictured at left). This small but effective group blocked many WMWDH protesters by biting legs and peeing on feet. In the end, many of the overweight Hummer owners were forced to capitulate, due largely to physical problems – many WMWDH have weak marrow from lack of physical activity, causing an ailment known in the medical community as Para-hummeritus, a disease with “no known cure.”
Neither the Israeli government nor the IDF were available for comment on this increasingly troublesome situation. “Experts,” however were available for comment, and given that all of them were white males themselves, mainstream media pundits were able to publish their comments. The BBC however, has gone one step ahead and is referring to the debate over oil prices as the Hummer vs. Hybrid debate. On another note, the WMWDH/IDF/Chihuahua debacle has apparently not effected McDonald’s plans to give away toy Hummers to children in their Happy Meals this summer, as one Hummer Lifestyles website reports.
For more information on the razing of Lebanon by Israel, check out some of these blogs (courtesy of Maria Abi-Habib), you just may end up better informed than if you rely on the mainstream media:
(Or of course, you can just watch Americans having sex with Hummers, at this site which is an admittedly very bizarre and perverse use of video and the web).